Let’s be honest: isn’t it annoying when cute little babies or toddlers start throwing stuff? And you can’t even reason with them!
Here are five reasons why babies or toddlers might exhibit throwing behaviors, and what you can do about it.
Reason #1: Developmental stage.
From about 9-12 months, it’s totally developmentally appropriate for babies to throw things in order to see what happens when they land. This is a normal part of their cognitive development. They are learning about cause and effect and are often fascinated by the sounds different objects make when they fall. However, 9-12 months is also about the time babies start to test limits, and they often do this by throwing food or utensils during feeding time.
What you can do about it:
Label and describe to your baby what’s happening when he or she tosses that baby spoon on the kitchen floor. Talk about the quality of the sound (loud, quiet, etc.). Describe the mess it made (gooey, sticky, oatmeal or spaghetti sauce all over the floor, etc.). Describe where it went (under the high chair, next to your chair, etc.). Explain what you’re going to do with the spoon now that it’s on the floor (rinse it off, get a new spoon because this one is dirty, etc.). Set limits if the throwing is becoming a problem (such as, “If you throw the spoon one more time, we’re going to be all done.”), and offer them other toys that are fun, noisy, and okay to throw instead (such as rattle balls). All of this will help them start to understand more about cause/effect, which is a huge pre-requisite for higher level problem solving skills needed in the toddler years.
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Reason #2: Seeking sensory input.
Some little ones who are past the 9-12 month cause/effect phase will still throw because they’re seeking a lot of “heavy” input into their joints and muscles (you know it when you see it). One way they can accomplish this is by throwing stuff. Blocks, toy trucks, dolls, you name it. If they can pick it up, they’ll throw it. Watch out…and duck.
What you can do about it:
Offer them a replacement item. Instead of chucking puzzle pieces or shoes, how about beanbags, balls, or stuffed animals? This will provide similar sensory input in a safer way. Direct their throwing by encouraging them to throw toward a target of some sort, such as into a laundry basket or cardboard box. You can easily make weighted stuffed animals for throwing by ripping the seam, inserting a reinforced bag of sand or rice, and then stitching back up. Not cool with them throwing things, period? Encourage them toward other activities that provide “heavy work” to the shoulder/elbow/wrist joints such as safely crawling up and down surfaces of various heights (steps, short slides, pillows, etc.), hanging on bars, pushing things around the house (heavy diaper box, laundry basket, etc.), or walking like a bear. Make a game out of it when you can so it’s both fun and functional.
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Reason #3: Communicating that they’re “all done”.
The most logical way for babies to get rid of something they’re finished with is to toss it, right? Makes sense. Most babies don’t begin handing items to adults in order to indicate they’re finished until about 18 months (but some can learn sooner with the strategies listed below).
What you can do about it:
A) Be physically present with the child and tune in to their cues that indicate they are all done before they get to the point of throwing. Does their eating slow down? Do they start playing with their food? Do they start to drink more slowly out of their bottle or cup? Do they look around the room and show less interest in their toy just before they throw it? This requires you to be physically present with the child so you can intervene just before they begin their pitching practice. As you see them nearing their throwing threshold, you can either ask them or tell them that they’re all done (“Oh, are you all done?” or “You look like you’re all done.”). Then reach out your hand (or stop their hand from throwing), get the item from them, and thank them for it.
B) Teach them the baby sign for “all done”. It basically looks like they are shaking both of their hands at the same time (click here for video). This gives them a more functional and mature communication tool to be able to use in times like this. Teach it to any other caregivers as well so they can be aware of what the baby means when they sign it, rather than just thinking baby is being funny and then they miss the cue and all of a sudden baby starts throwing stuff.
Here’s a sample:
Baby: Slows down eating at end of meal, starts to play with spoon in high chair and motions to throw it
Mom: Stops baby’s hand. “Oh, are you all done?” (Models baby sign for “all done” while saying it)
Baby: Signs “all done”
Mom: “Okay, give the spoon to Mommy.”
Baby: Slightly moves hand toward Mom
Mom: Takes spoon and says, “Thank you! All done.”
You can do this with spoons, food, toys, and more. If you practice this interaction on a regular basis, your little one will start to understand the routine (remember cause/effect from earlier?) and should begin to initiate the sign or words for “all done” without needing to be prompted by an adult.
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Reason #4: Communicating that they’re frustrated.
This can be especially true when they’re playing with their toys. Baby’s first year is typically littered with toys that are pretty straight forward — you shake it, it makes noise; you push it, it lights up. But toys for the late baby/early toddler years are not quite so simple. Shape sorter, blocks, and basic puzzles are great for their development…not so good for their frustration, though. The common response? Throw it.
What you can do about it:
A) Again, be physically present with the child and tune in to learn what their pre-throwing cues are. How long do they struggle with a toy before they toss it? One attempt? Several attempts? Don’t jump in right away. Let them struggle and problem solve. Give them a chance to try. But don’t let them get to the point of throwing. Once they are close to that threshold, then you can jump in and either ask them if they need help or tell them that they do (“Oh, do you need help?” or “It looks like you need help.”). Then help them figure out whatever it is they’re trying to do and give them a chance to contribute to the problem solving process, such as letting them do the final push into the shape sorter or the final slide over of the puzzle piece to fit it in the slot.
B) Teach them the baby sign for “help”. Most kids I know must be taught to ask for help, and it comes back to giving them the appropriate, mature communication tools to be able to do so. To do the baby sign for “help”, simply flip one palm up toward the ceiling, place your other hand on top of it in a thumbs-up position, and raise both hands up a few inches. (Click here for video.) Younger kiddos may do any variation of this because it’s a little tricky, so you just want to focus on establishing a consistent, functional gesture to indicate that they need help.
Here’s a sample:
Baby: Starts to fuss while playing with toy and appears to be frustrated
Dad: “Do you need help?” (Models baby sign for “help” while saying it)
Baby: Establishes eye contact with Dad. Doesn’t yet know how to sign “help”, so Dad takes babies hands and helps her do it.
Dad: “Okay, Daddy helps.” Assists baby with toy/activity, allows her to finish the last step, and then cheers.
Again, teach this sign to all other caregivers so they can be on the same page and will be able to read the child’s cue prior to extreme frustration and throwing. Baby will develop an understanding of this routine over time and you should see a decrease in throwing behavior as a result. I’ve seen a lot of little ones stop throwing things simply because someone took the time to teach them how to ask for help.
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Reason #5: Seeking attention.
Babies learn in the first several months of life that their actions can influence the behavior of others. This is such a basic yet vitally important social skill. Additionally, kids often develop the desire to become the center of attention around 12-18 months of age. Some do it by being silly or performing a new skill. Others do it by throwing. As it turns out, this age often happens to coincide with the arrival of a new sibling or some sort of life change like a family move or transition to daycare or school. It’s not uncommon for kids’ behavior to deteriorate for a little while with big changes like these, particularly a new sibling. So now you’ve got a double whammy. There, I warned you.
What you can do about it:
A) Ignore the throwing behavior, but only as long as it’s safe to do so. If the child gets attention (whether positive or negative) when they throw, or they like the way you respond when they throw (a funny face, funny noise, etc.), they will keep doing it. So ignore it. I know, this is hard. But it’s often effective. Of course, if their throwing risks injury to a person or property, then you can’t just ignore it. That’s where you have to step in and be the parent (or other authority), and use your best judgment about the situation.
B) Provide plenty of positive attention when they are doing things you consider to be “good”. Maybe they are playing appropriately with their toys or doing a good job of helping clean up. Be sure to tell them you notice that! If they are old enough to understand “token systems”, consider involving them in a star chart or marble jar so you can catch them being good and give them a tangible way of understanding when they have done something good. Then they can work toward some sort of reward that you choose or at least that you agree with (a certain movie, play date with a friend, etc.). If they feel they are receiving adequate attention from you because of the positive things they are doing and being reinforced for, then the throwing-as-a-means-of-getting-attention should cease.
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As with most things in real life, there is rarely one “right” answer to addressing throwing behavior because the root causes of the behavior are often intermingled. For example, the child may be all done with their food or toy, but they are also seeking sensory input and attention. This means you’ll have to use your best judgment in order to problem solve how to best address their throwing behavior. If the behavior persists despite your very best efforts or seems extremely defiant, go ahead and mention it to their pediatrician at the next visit. He or she may be able to provide you with some helpful insights.
I hope you can use these suggestions as tools in your toolbox as you endeavor to train up your own (or someone else’s) child to the best of your ability!
